first christmas without you
this time last year you were bed bound, the month of December flew by and all the while we were desperately grasping the seconds, minutes, hours, trying to stop the steady forward march towards you keaving us. we couldn’t, time still ticked on at its regular, steady beat. we made preparationsfor Christmas day lunch, bought the presents for the kids and each other, not knowing if, but hoping, you would be well enough to share it with us. at this point you had become cantankerous and grumpy, we didn’t blame you, you were scared, it was understandable.
this Christmas we are doing the same, making the preparations, stressing over gifts and dinner, and all the time something is still missing. my part of the family are having lunch with mum, 17 of us, the house will be packed, but there will still be a big empty space where you shoukd be, she won’t be alone but she will be without you. it will be the opposite of last year where just a couple of us shared lunch as we thought a full house would be too much for you. we will get through this, like we have every other day since you died, its just another day in the year of firsts.